Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Women – And God forgot to put a “Stop” button...

They love to talk.
Infact, some of them just live to talk. Most women have this capability to talk on any topic under the Sun, and comfortably hold the conversation for a few hours. It must be a skill, I believe. I look at them with awe and wonder as I realize the amazing potential all of them possess.

Ten thousand words.
As per a study, that’s the average number of words an average woman speaks in an average day. As far as my understanding goes, I don’t think there’s anything remotely average about this whole thing. I sympathize with those who conducted the study, and unless it was a bunch of women, they would have committed suicide by the end they came out with this number.

They talk while eating.
They also talk while walking, while running, while brushing their teeth, while cooking, while putting on make-up, while... well, while just about doing anything. It’s these facts that make us realize that one of the many good uses of Sleep is to ensure that this species stops talking for a while. Though I am pretty sure there do exist women (nature never fails to impress, you see...) who have successfully overcome this obstacle, and are now peacefully wreaking havoc on those around them, chattering to their hearts’ content even in their sleep.

Three thousand words.
As per the same study, that’s the average number of words an average man speaks in an average day. Given the scientific fact that there is only so much air you can breathe in (and out), somebody had to compensate for the frantic consumption of this natural resource by one of the classes of human beings. The scapegoat (as always) was the other variety – The one that starts with “M” and ends in “N” with an “E” thrown in between as a consolation.

Ever noticed how a fish breathes?
That’s how most men look when they are in the company of women. The mouth opens (the race is definitely very brave as it keeps trying), only to be closed promptly, much like a fish’s gills at work. It is not surprising that most men turn to writing poetry (or writing blogs), as there is usually no bandwidth available on the other media.

Women have four speech-centres in their brain.
This is a conclusion drawn from another study conducted to explain this almost extra-terrestrial phenomenon. The result also helps to explain why there is nothing much else in that space between their ears. And it also indicates that it was perhaps God’s will that come what may, there’s one thing a woman will never fall short of – words.
Men, on the other hand, have been blessed with nothing less than one speech-centre (oh Mother Nature, how kind you are...), which (as explained above) is gradually atrophying on account of domination by the Four-Speech-Centre variety.

Talking helps you live longer.
There is a correlation (a rather strong one) between this statement and the new scientific reality that the average life-span of women is increasing and (by a similar logic) the life-span of men is falling.

I wonder if this is what Darwin meant by survival of the fittest? And I believe the Good Lord does realize His folly as He sits up there wondering what went wrong in the world He created. He gave women too much of everything (I have absolutely no problem with that), but somehow in the rush of things, forgot something so very essential...

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